Hello dear ones,
This week I got hit with a major head cold AND a pain flare that has had me “struggs to func” to borrow the words of the brilliant Jonathan Van Ness. So for today’s CARESCAPES, I’m gonna do a little roundup of my thoughts and feelings. Before I do, here are a few reminders:
A note on image IDs: because many of the images I share are embedded, I’m unable to access the captions function. Please scroll to the end of the newsletter for image IDs.
You can submit your questions for OPENINGS Episode #3 by emailing me at hello@margeauxfeldman.com with the subject line OPENINGS SUBMISSION. Please keep your submissions to 150 words. You have until Friday, March 25th at 11:59pm MT to submit.
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Thank you, as always, for being a part of the CARESCAPES universe! It’s such a deep honour to have you here with me!
THOUGHTS
Some things I’ve been thinking about this week:
"How do we shift into a culture in which conflict and difference is generative?" - adrienne maree brown, Emergent Strategy. On Friday I taught my trauma-informed conflict resolution workshop to folks at Concordia University and returned to this quote from adrienne maree brown. So many of us are afraid of conflict for so many valid reasons, I know I was. But this question from amb has been an anchor for me. I define conflict as “a disagreement in which there is a perceived or real threat to something we care about.” One thing I try to remind myself is that conflict is an opportunity to learn more about the other person and what it is they care about.
I just finished reading Rachel Krantz’s book Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy—A Polyamory Memoir in the span of two days. It had me thinking about the ways in which secure attachment is truly necessary for folks taking their first steps into nonmonogamy. I’m so excited for this talk between Rachel and Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure, on Tuesday. You can register here.
I just started Deb Dana’s new book Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory and sent a screenshot of this quote to a friend: “We get cues of safety from explicit communication of the details surrounding an interaction. When contextual information is sent through implicit pathways and not explicitly shared, we often respond in the present moment based on our past experiences. Without explicitly stated information, we are more likely to sense unsafety and move into a pattern of protection.” Really helped validate my need for thoughts and feelings to be stated explicitly.
FEELINGS
My feelings in meme form:
This post from my friend Olivia Pepper is one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking things I’ve read. Click to read all of the slides — it’s worth it.
I spent the last two days under my weighted blanket watching Love is Blind 2 and the reunion was equal parts painful and satisfying. Deepti REALLY dodged a bullet and I hope that her and Sal get married. Am very happy for the comments section of this post to be a place where we process our LIB2 feels.
PRACTICES
I’m deeply inspired by this post by IG memer @gendersauce. This weekend for me was all about giving myself as much rest as I could. Which of these three can you step into this week?
ACTIONS
One thing I’m thinking about is how to budget for wealth redistribution and reparations. I’ve been inspired by my pal Olivia (whose beautiful writing I shared above) who sets aside 5% of their income each month for the Indigenous communities whose land they live on; and another 5% for reparations for Black folks. As someone who has historically been awful at budgeting (thank you poor trauma), I’m giving myself the push to sit down and tally up my monthly earnings so that I can plan each month to redistribute 10% of my income. Wanna learn more about wealth redistribution?
IMAGE IDs
Thoughts:
An Instagram post by @RachelKrantz that reads: “Excited for this conversation about OPEN with Jessica Fern, author of POLYSECURE, for @wcfbook. Register if you want to learn from my mistakes — and her expertise on secure attachment, non-monogamous or otherwise.” Underneath the text is a promotional banner with pictures of Rachel and Jessica beside their books and text that reads: “Women & Children First weclomes Rachel Krantz in conversation with Jessica Fern Tuesday, March 15th 7:00pm CT
Feelings:
An Instagram post by @oliviapepper with a black background and white capitalized text that reads: “A proposed emoji codex for when you want to tell your beloveds that you love them but you cannot use words anymore, revised for 2022: +++ As thigs go on I wonder if anyone will remember those of who are so often sick, how many of us will continue to die improperly mourned” followed by five emojis: mirror, ameba, camera, squiggle, dying rose. “Many people abandoned me when I became ill and the thing is I understand and I would honestly abandon myself if I could do that without dying” followed by five emojis: shell, planet saturn, tornado, spoon, person in a yoga pose.
An instagram post with 9 squares each featuring a different Love is Blind contestant making a face of frustration, shock, annoyance, or anger.
Practices:
An Instagram post by @payblacknow. The background is a gradient that goes from orange to pink. The black text on top reads: How to Budget Sustainably for Mutual Aid. Why wealth distribution looks different for everyone,n and how to best redistribute while still looking out for yourself