Dear ones,
Oh how I’ve missed writing this newsletter. But I am so, so happy to share that my O1 visa has been approved and I can now work in the US while continuing my studies 🥳🥳🥳. Here’s a portrait of me in my joy:
ICYMI: I moved from Canada to the US last summer so that I could start a MFA in Creative Writing at CalArts. Being on a student visa meant that I could ONLY work at the university. I would have to put all of the work I do on hold unless I flew home to Canada. This was no doubt incredibly stressful and activated so much poor kid trauma.
Once I learnt about the O1 — which is granted to folks who can prove that they are “extraordinary” at what they do — I started a very long and costly application process, involving two lawyers and countless letters attesting to my extraordinariness. 8 months later and I have been approved!!!
I truly cried as I realized how much relief I was feeling and how much tension has been released. But that was short lived because I am facing a lot of debt between maxing out credit cards and using my worst case scenario high interest student loan. Thankfully, I have some work coming in that will allow me to pay off a big chunk but I am still left with more to pay down.
This is where you come in. It is so so hard for me to ask for help — tell me you were a parentified child without telling me you were a parentified child. All of the poor shame inside of me says that I don’t deserve help. That I should stay quiet and just pick myself up by the bootstraps.
But if I were to do that, I wouldn’t be living in alignment with my values. I believe in the magic of interdependence and community care. I try to remind myself of how moved I am when I see others asking for help, because it gives me an opportunity to support them.
If my work has ever touched you in some way, there are so many ways that you can support me right now — and lots of them are free!!
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And now for some new writing and then my culture diary!
This past week, I was asked to make a list of joyful things, and it turned into a poem addressed, in part, to my partner. What I love about this practice is that it helps our brain move away from its negativity bias. We could also refer to our joy list as a list of glimmers, a word that Deb Dana uses to refer to anything that is the opposite of a trigger. I highly recommend sitting outside and seeing what comes to you. Here’s mine.
Embodied Joy
The two baby doves birthed in a hanging pot, outside our front door. We name the babies Harriet and Hubert. The parents are both known as Marlee, for try as we might, we cannot tell them apart.
Hearing someone say my name. We don’t say each others’ names enough when we’re together.
The twitching nose of the rabbit that feasts on this grassy hill, where I love to sit, bathing in the sun before class.
Your nighttime zoomies. You tell me “I’ve missed you. I just want to talk to you.” What a gift, to feel wanted in that way.
Being able to send each other memes about The Bachelor / having a partner I can send Bachelor memes to.
Nature. All of it. But especially the ocean.
The moments where I realize ‘I’m embodied’ and I take a deep breath and feel it as it exits my body.
Hearing the laughter of strangers and not knowing the source of their mirth.
Making a choice to rest my back against the grass. Feeling held by the earth. Remembering that I can always be held by the earth.
Knowing that I get to come home to you.
Culture Diary
My partner and I finally started watching The Bear after months and months of saying “we have to watch this.” Every episode we’re both just like “HOW IS THIS SHOW SO GOOD?!?” Complicated characters who are messing up and growing and being supported by each other!
I got an advanced reader copy of Dopamine Press’s first book: Sluts: An Anthology, edited by Michelle Tea. Tbh, I haven’t had a chance to crack it open yet, but I have zero doubts that I am going to devour it when I do. Plus bonus points for supporting a queer indie press!
Since “yes, and?” I’ve been waiting for Ariana Grande’s newest album Eternal Sunshine. While I’ve always loved pop music, I somehow really didn’t know much about Grande’s music until recently. This album is full of bops and ballads and I’ve been listening to it on repeat.
A favorite show in our house, we were stoked when season 3 of Abbott Elementary dropped. If you haven’t watched this show, and are looking for something sweet, funny, and smart — thank you Quinta Brunson — Abbott is all of the above.
Last week my partner and I attended the book launch for Thunder Song, a memoir in essays by Sasha taqʷšəblu LaPointe. This book is an archival project (LaPointe’s great grandmother commissioned a symphony), a reckoning with our current political moment, and a love song to punk music and queer Indigeniety. I’ve already started recommending it and I’m only two essays in.
We’ll it’s official: we’ve joined Bachelor Nation. I didn’t really fall in love with Joey on the last season of The Bachelorette, but wow did that change when I got into this season. Joey’s emotional intelligence and ability to be vulnerable, supportive, and playful had us rooting for him. I won’t share any spoilers here, but I will say that we were very happy with the final couple.
I’m a Leslie Jamison stan ever since I read her essay collection The Empathy Exams. I generally avoid books about being a mother, but I knew that I could trust Jamison to bring nuance, messiness, and ambivalence to this terrain — and she did. Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story is one part memoir about being a mother while also wanting to be a writer, and another part falling in love, getting divorced, and falling in love again for all of the wrong reasons. Couldn’t put it down.
Like every other queer person out there, I couldn’t wait to see Love Lies Bleeding a queer romance thriller starring Kristen Stewart and Katy O’Brian. Promising much blood and sex, I found myself wanting less of the former and more of the latter. Enjoyed it overall but the surreal ending kinda ruined it for me. Would love to hear your thoughts!
Okay, so technically Maggie Nelson’s Like Love: Essays and Conversations only just came out — and admittedly I haven’t grabbed my copy from my local bookstore yet. But it’s here, on my list, because I love Nelson’s writing (despite some issues with her book on freedom). She’s one of my favorite thinkers and writers and I dream of having her blurb my book one day.
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YAY FOR THE BEAR!!!
Welcome back! So glad the visa came through. 💜🙏