notes from the sickbed

Today was supposed to be the second instalment from “borderline baby: a recovery diary,” but I’m now approaching the two week mark of my current pain flare. ICYMI, I have fibromyalgia. There are many things that can cause a flare up. In this case, I believe that the most likely culprit is the physical, mental, and emotional stress of being in a season of hustling, where I’m having to work more than my body can handle.

Eventually, my body reaches it limit, and suddenly I am knocked out. It’s as if my body is saying “Well, you wouldn’t rest on your own, so now I’ll make you.” Every day these past two weeks, my body has vibrated in pain, like I’ve been hit by the worst flu. I lose my breath getting out of the bathtub — one of the only things that helps alleviate just a little bit of pain.

In this place, writing feels nearly impossible, both physically and mentally, my brain enveloped in fog. And so I surrender. I take to my bed, where I’ve been more or less, these past four days. Instead of sharing some new writing (fingers crossed for “borderline baby” next week), I offer these snapshots from the sickbed.

My constant companion, Roland, as well as some reading: Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance and the DBT Activity Book.

Watched this Tara Brach talk “Spiritual Reparenting” and cried.

Woke up one morning to Roland like this and it’s honestly my whole mood.

On a day where I was feeling less pain, I made these cootie catchers from my partner’s bed.

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Reminder/FYI + Community Call

My course + peer support group “Intimacy for Trauma BBs” starts in just under two weeks! Yesterday, I shared on Instagram that there are currently 16 people on the waitlist for full scholarships. These scholarships are for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color. I’m just gonna reshare the slides here:

Wanna make a contribution to the scholarship fund? Here are some links, including Venmo, for doing so:

• Via my website

• Via PayPal

• Via Venmo