I don't mean to minimize your experiences, but I've noticed in your Queer Wounds series that you tend to associate certain qualities with certain identities; in this case, masculine people being emotionally unavailable and crude (which I'm not saying doesn't happen), or what some psychologists would call "avoidant attachment types". A lot of masculine people are raised with a lack of affection, intimacy, and healthy attachment, so ofc they disproportionately have attachment issues, and hurt those who try to form relationships with them.
But I've also had several relationships with women and femmes that were emotionally detached; I was always the vulnerable one who got hurt. It almost lead me to completely avoiding relationships myself (which was incredibly easy to do as a bed-ridden disabled person). All of the people who have cut me off at whim were people who did the same thing to their abusive parents- things DID get much better for them after removing their abusive parents, so they kind of form this pattern of "safety" to cut anyone else out if any conflict or messiness occurs.
It feels more like a societal problem of commodifying relationships, and fearing intimacy because vulnerability is scary.
Your fatigue is valid, and I'm sorry for the pain you've endured. I just think the root of the problem isn't their masculinity, I think it could be a coping mechanism for a number of things.
May you find people who give you the intimacy and kindness you seek in the near future 💕
Such an amazing read!! Thank you so much for writing this. 💚
I am a nonbinary person who is masculine looking, but have such a strong femme part in myself. I felt this in much of my previous relationships, both romantic and platonic.
I don't mean to minimize your experiences, but I've noticed in your Queer Wounds series that you tend to associate certain qualities with certain identities; in this case, masculine people being emotionally unavailable and crude (which I'm not saying doesn't happen), or what some psychologists would call "avoidant attachment types". A lot of masculine people are raised with a lack of affection, intimacy, and healthy attachment, so ofc they disproportionately have attachment issues, and hurt those who try to form relationships with them.
But I've also had several relationships with women and femmes that were emotionally detached; I was always the vulnerable one who got hurt. It almost lead me to completely avoiding relationships myself (which was incredibly easy to do as a bed-ridden disabled person). All of the people who have cut me off at whim were people who did the same thing to their abusive parents- things DID get much better for them after removing their abusive parents, so they kind of form this pattern of "safety" to cut anyone else out if any conflict or messiness occurs.
It feels more like a societal problem of commodifying relationships, and fearing intimacy because vulnerability is scary.
Your fatigue is valid, and I'm sorry for the pain you've endured. I just think the root of the problem isn't their masculinity, I think it could be a coping mechanism for a number of things.
May you find people who give you the intimacy and kindness you seek in the near future 💕
this absolutely exhausted queer femme feels this so deeply. thank you so so much for this one especially!
This is sweet fucking brilliant. And so necessary. This exhausted queer femme thanks you. So much.
Such an amazing read!! Thank you so much for writing this. 💚
I am a nonbinary person who is masculine looking, but have such a strong femme part in myself. I felt this in much of my previous relationships, both romantic and platonic.