I really struggle with your first point, Margeaux. My sexual trauma feels vast and I really struggle not to feel broken when it comes to sex, even though I want it. Your last point resonated with me the hardest. I know cognitively that I didn't make up things half the time, but I also struggle to trust myself fully. I'll have moments of clarity, but, it is hard to feel. Usually when I am angry or when the person who hurt me hurts me again is when I'll remember it is real, but will struggle before and after to trust that I'm not overreacting.
Hi hi! I didn't want to comment on Instagram because that place is the ghetto 💀 but I've been a long time follower for three years. Your Instagram posts were a God-send, and I don't say this lightly after the messiest mental breakdown that I had. It lasted about 4 years. Your memes were so thoughtful and full of love. I wanted to be like you. So much has happened since then and I'm not able to keep up with your page like before. Social media is exhausting, but you are such a joy to me. We don't know each other, we'll probably never meet and we have vastly different experiences (black, Muslim, Nigerian and all the socialisation that comes with it) but I'm very grateful I get to live at the same time you were writing and it got to me. Imagine that! All my love 💕
Much in your "don't usually share" pile resonates so deeply with me...
However, I gasped out loud at no 10. having shared this same thought (almost identically..) for the first time outside of a psychotherapeutic setting.
The imposter is real, I find it can't be overstated how this part shows up in people life and can at times be so crippling.
Sex-wise, I don't cry, I used to fight, flight and latterly freeze... i would so rather, and am trying, to shift vulnerability type responses to cry-attach (with some success) because I think it does at least create an opportunity for tenderness and connection and through that an almost therapeutic outlet (when in safety). Alas, I have been single and sexless for around 3 years, 2 asexual and am in a dissociated sort of state around the idea of dating or sex, I feel a shift though.. which is nice.
Reading #4-6 made me pause and just smile from the sad comfort that someone else understood. Along with the comfort show mine is/was 'Glee' and it shows highly in how I wrote in MFA. Thank you for sharing this to the world of Substack.
I resonate with so much of this. It makes me feel less alone in my own similar struggles. Your vulnerability and transparency are a strength that I deeply appreciate. P.S. Anchored has been such a healing force in my life 💖
hi, I just subscribed to your substack… it truly speaks on the trauma brain and trauma imprint on our minds, beliefs and behaviors when we are definetely different people w different life experiences and contexts but somehow I can relate (and many others in the comment section as well) to points 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7 and 10. The imaginary self gaslighting mind ghosts really do a number on us. Thank you SO much for sharing these, they’ve definetely helped me this morning and I will share them in therapy later. Hope you have the gentle and abundant life you deserve❤️🩹
I really struggle with your first point, Margeaux. My sexual trauma feels vast and I really struggle not to feel broken when it comes to sex, even though I want it. Your last point resonated with me the hardest. I know cognitively that I didn't make up things half the time, but I also struggle to trust myself fully. I'll have moments of clarity, but, it is hard to feel. Usually when I am angry or when the person who hurt me hurts me again is when I'll remember it is real, but will struggle before and after to trust that I'm not overreacting.
Hi hi! I didn't want to comment on Instagram because that place is the ghetto 💀 but I've been a long time follower for three years. Your Instagram posts were a God-send, and I don't say this lightly after the messiest mental breakdown that I had. It lasted about 4 years. Your memes were so thoughtful and full of love. I wanted to be like you. So much has happened since then and I'm not able to keep up with your page like before. Social media is exhausting, but you are such a joy to me. We don't know each other, we'll probably never meet and we have vastly different experiences (black, Muslim, Nigerian and all the socialisation that comes with it) but I'm very grateful I get to live at the same time you were writing and it got to me. Imagine that! All my love 💕
Much in your "don't usually share" pile resonates so deeply with me...
However, I gasped out loud at no 10. having shared this same thought (almost identically..) for the first time outside of a psychotherapeutic setting.
The imposter is real, I find it can't be overstated how this part shows up in people life and can at times be so crippling.
Sex-wise, I don't cry, I used to fight, flight and latterly freeze... i would so rather, and am trying, to shift vulnerability type responses to cry-attach (with some success) because I think it does at least create an opportunity for tenderness and connection and through that an almost therapeutic outlet (when in safety). Alas, I have been single and sexless for around 3 years, 2 asexual and am in a dissociated sort of state around the idea of dating or sex, I feel a shift though.. which is nice.
Thank you for sharing all of this, witnessing you <3 <3 <3
Reading #4-6 made me pause and just smile from the sad comfort that someone else understood. Along with the comfort show mine is/was 'Glee' and it shows highly in how I wrote in MFA. Thank you for sharing this to the world of Substack.
I resonate with so much of this. It makes me feel less alone in my own similar struggles. Your vulnerability and transparency are a strength that I deeply appreciate. P.S. Anchored has been such a healing force in my life 💖
That MFA feeling is real. Many people in my MFA program had it. You belong there.
hi, I just subscribed to your substack… it truly speaks on the trauma brain and trauma imprint on our minds, beliefs and behaviors when we are definetely different people w different life experiences and contexts but somehow I can relate (and many others in the comment section as well) to points 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7 and 10. The imaginary self gaslighting mind ghosts really do a number on us. Thank you SO much for sharing these, they’ve definetely helped me this morning and I will share them in therapy later. Hope you have the gentle and abundant life you deserve❤️🩹
So much love to you dear Margeaux 🌟❤️🌟